Writings

Breathe Life Into Pages.

Freelance Writer.

Poetess.

Hello, my name is Samantha. I am a professional columnist. The purpose of my work is breathe life into hearts and pages.

Science of Attraction

Attraction is a normal part of a the human experience. In today's society we have the privilege to speak with anyone in the world.Communication is exchanging thoughts, needs and ideas to bring growth to relationships and communities.We are continuously communicating with others even without verbalizing it. The cells in our body communicate with its environment. Cells communicate by sending and collecting signals from its surroundings and the people in it. Cell signaling is to detect and respond to cues in environment.Cellular attraction are the cells in your body wanting to be closer to the cells in the mate you are attracted to. This is the reason why you have a pull' towards individuals you find appealing.

There is a science and a psychology behind attraction. What is appealing to us is what is most familiar to us. When there is attraction present dopamine norepinephrine and serotonin are released into the brain. Another factor in attraction is immune system health. The cells in your body can detect if a potential partner is physically healthy via higher functioning immune system. Health and attraction is dependent on the vitality of a person and the ability to produce pheromones and sex hormones such as estrogen, progesterone and testosterone. Not only do we attract what is familiar to us, we also attract what is similar within us. This brings me to my next point.

    Similarity Hypothesis. This is the hypothesis that states we are attracted to individuals that share similar outlooks on life, values an fundamental beliefs. Mentioning subjects we have in common with our crush will make us appear more attractive. We can mimic posture or tilt our head in a similar position as the other person to show interest.Similarity breeds interest and liking. Ask questions that reveal a potential partner as a person and find ways to relate to their answers in meaningful ways. Part of our human nature to be curious and to communicate.Communication and curiosity breed information to help us evolve as an individual, partner and as species. Find ways to relate to given answers. Examples can include.

" That is is interesting that we both like similar themed movies. I feel we both can relate to villain themed movies.”

"It is relieving we both had similar childhoods."

Similarity can even elevate the Pratfall Effect. This effect suggests that imperfection make us more relatable and therefore attractive to others. In social relationships this type of effect can state if a highly qualified person that when a person makes a mistake or accidentally trips and falls he or she is now deemed more attractive after the incident.

It is beneficial to note emotionally mature people are not interested in what you have to offer materialistically.They do not care about the car you drive or how much money you make because they are looking for a partner to add to their life.Shared morals are valued over similar hobbies. Emotionally mature people are looking for a partner to grow with verses someone to parent.Emotionally mature people enjoy consistency ,personal evolution and commitment. They value their time so they will naturally value your time. They will be interested in getting to know you as a person rather than engaging in or short fling.

Emotionally mature people will say what they really mean and mean what they really say. Yes mean yes and no means no to a healthy person.

Reject from a partner of interest may hurt at first. However, the word no is not an indication to' try harder' to convince your crush that you are worthy. People that see the your excellence will see it immediately. If they happen to not see it it is a result of their  inability to see their own or they my be looking for a different type of excellence.

You can give little cues to your crush insinuating interest by direct communication. Communication will be attractive to a person that is healthy and stable. Stable and mature people are not looking to 'read into you.'

However, communicating your wants to a mate will not be enough. People who see the worth in themselves will see the preciousness in others. Physical attraction will not be enough to keep someone to build a life with. Inner qualities will be cherished to a mature partner.What inner qualities do you have that would add to a person's life? Part of having self-worth is knowing you have an antidote to offer to this world. Someone will need it for their well-being. List these qualities about yourself that you are proud of on a sheet of paper or under notes in your phone. This can be helpful to have on days you are not feeling your best.

Body language, cellular responses, relatability and communication are all part of the science of attraction. The purpose of attraction is to procreate, perceive gain and or relatability. We can learn about ourselves by the type of people we find attractive. This includes the needs we have in relationships, what we prioritize, what we will negotiate on and what will' be unacceptable to us. The purpose of attraction is subtle yet a chance to discover what we truly have to offer to another person and the world at large. Humans were created to connect, progress and build relationships. Our nervous system is wired for connection.

Attraction is not created solely for mating but for the purpose of personal evolution and growth. Our cells are also wired to communicate and function in relation to other cells. This suggests that on a fundamental level we were never meant to experience life on our own. For our well-being and for the well being of others we thrive best when communicating,contributing , educating and or simply occupying a space with other humans (and their cells).

Attraction may be a link to how we transfer our personal antidote from one person to another. As we have the potential to evolve , our personal medicine that we offer can add to our environment and the beings participating in it. Attraction is needing each others remedy for wellness and wholeness.

Gestures of Love

Gestures are a few forms of language that are used to communicate. Communication is not just speaking with words but speaking with your actions. Ninety percent of communication is non-verbal. We show how we feel towards others by our micro expressions and actions we do on a daily basis. Relationships are the hallmark of our life.

Romantic relationships are typically wanted and desired. Acts of love and adoration are encouraged. The type of relationships we seek out are the ones that are familiar to us  We repeat behaviors unconsciously to keep us out of harms way or to receive love or approval.

The brain and body remember these experiences and will unconsciously seek out what feels normal to it even if they are unhealthy. These are called Relational Patterns. Information and particular outcomes from experiences from received and stored in memory and neural pathways. This then acts like a blueprint. This allows us to feel the security of knowing the outcome and expect the future within this 'memory blueprint However, This blueprint is not based on facts or reason when experiencing the outside world. Our environment created a model block in which how we should show up in our relationships or what the definition of love felt like to us. This is how we will learn to 'attach' in relationships. What one gesture of love may may to one person may feel different to another person.

 The attachment theory was developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. The Theory explains the bond or how we showed up in our environment. There are four main attachment styles. It is helpful to note that with enough time and different learned behaviors you can create a secure attachment in your relationships even if you did not start our with a healthy model.

The first style is secure attachment. This attachment style stems from a predictable environment where caregivers were attuned to their children. Environment was comforting. Children were encouraged to explore their like and dislikes. They take personal responsibility and see kind gestures as genuine. Secure attachments are comfortable with communication and honesty. Feel free to share your thoughts and feelings with this attachment style. They receive love as warm and sate. They like to give and receive love.

The second style  is disorganized attachment. This attachment style stems from chaotic, abusive, unstable and hostile environments. Child attempts to adapt to environment by engaging in erratic behaviors.

This attachment style displays obsession for closeness while painfully fearing it at the same time. They will cling to relationships while pushing others away. They are extremely sensitive to rejection. poor ability to self-soothe. They may receive love defensively. This particular attachment style has both anxious and avoidant styles.

Gestures of love to this person may include simple and clear communication, reassurance, consistency and actions matching up with words(trust). This can be done over time. However, the ultimate gesture of love is giving support and tools to learn to have worth in themselves.

The third style is avoidant attachment. This attachment style stems from caregivers who were not physically or emotionally responsive to child’s needs. The child learned to isolate and self-soothe on their own. They may have been discouraged or mocked if displayed any emotional expression.

This attachment style is difficult to bond with, appears shallow or cold, and engages in superficial relationships.

They prefer independence and self-sufficiency.

The preferred love style for this attachment is space with out guilt tripping. Compliments about what they do in a relationship is appreciated. Underneath their stoic exterior they feel paralyzed with insecurity and fear. Create an environment that they feel they can open up in. Enjoy time together without using words.

The fourth style anxious attachment.This attachment style stems from environments that were inconsistent or having a caregiver that was inconstant, neglectful or highly reactive with mood. Child developed a cons reassurance. May appear as clingy and appease caregiver for love and validation.

This attachment style fears abandonment and rejection. This type will regularly seek approval, quality time and deep emotional connection. They do not trust others easily and fear of being rejected. They show strong emotional responses to separation and have difficulty maintaining autonomy.

The preferred love style for this attachment style is quality time and communication. They enjoy in depth and heart-felt conversations.

  It should be noted that you can mature out of an insecure attachment style and into a healthy one. Each personal blueprint will be experienced differently. You cannot make someone feel supported or loved until they take the required steps to better themselves. However, you can encourage interdependence. 

 Interdependence is allowing your partner to show up as they are even if it is different from you. A good way to view interdependence is viewing it as a mosaic. There are many jagged and various sized pieces that coexist in a mosaic. These pieces are called tesserae. Each piece is beautiful. However, when there are multiple pieces complimenting each other the piece is stunning.Interdependence is similar to complimenting your partner in a way that make each of your lives better than what you would had on your own.

 

    In all relationship there is a partner that represents Autonomy and there is a partner that represent Togetherness. Interdependence is about having yourself in the relationship as well as having the other. A love gesture is to help your partner identify the opposite of his or her natural or conditioned state. For example, if your partner is naturally self-sacrificing it is helpful to encourage a sense of autonomy in the relationship . If your partner has qualities of determination exchange a portion of these tendencies for a portion of gentleness. The two are naturally interweaving and exchanging. This creates a natural flow and creates a Garden of Love.

   Nurture the Garden of  Love by giving and receiving the vitality of love. It allows us to find security in ourselves and reliability in relationships. We can truly mend, communicate and correct a life-time of insecure relational patterns by showing up proactive and conscious. We can change our inner blueprint by the way we give and receive love. This act can be changed by simple, small and gentle gestures. 

The Unfeasible Person

   Our internal world reflects how we behave in our everyday life. Too often we take what others say and do as a reflection of ourselves. We react or recoil in ways that are familiar yet not wanted.Many people are well-intentioned in their efforts but their efforts are presented in maladaptive ways. Ninety-five percent of our behaviors are driven from our subconscious mind. This means that most individuals are not self-aware and are driven by  homeostatic impulse. This is a pretty word for thinking the same thoughts and carrying out the same behaviors even if they are unwanted. We are driven by unconscious patterns, emotions and behaviors if we are not aware of our unseen desires, hurts or perceived threats. Self-worth has largely to do with our subconscious mind. When we embrace self-worth and honor ourselves we will  be less tolerant of uncooperative people.

   We live in a fast paced world and it is demanding of our time and energy. This high demand generates people producing high cortisol levels to keep up with or maintain their lifestyles. Understandably,many people are addicted to cortisol and may not know it.  Cortisol is a hormone that allows the body to fight,run, dissociate or appease  during stressful and overwhelming situations. The hormone is helpful in healthy doses(just like anything else). In healthy doses this hormone is good at suppressing inflammation, aiding with metabolizing glucose,fighting off infections, heightened memory,lower sensitivity to pain and maintaining blood pressure. This hormone is not so healthy in high doses. The following are symptoms of high cortisol levels.

  • Excessive irritability

  • Switching from one task to another without any 'buffer breaks'.

  • Sensations of boredom when not engaging in emotionally heated relationships or conversations.

  • Lack of concentration

  • Mood swings

  • Depression

  • Changes in weight


  Individuals carrying high levels of cortisol are actively overwhelmed which means they will be more negatively self-focused and have limited impulse control. They will be short tempered, thoughtless,and reactive. These reactions have absolutely nothing to do with you. Self-worth and self honoring practices are needed. One example of a self-honoring practice is transparency and assertiveness. If you do not actively speak up for yourself you will slowly lose self-respect.The likelihood of building resentment will be high.The practice of transparency will be helpful. Your body will no longer be in an internal argument if you begin to speak your wants and needs a little at a time. You will begin to trust yourself and be open with your wants and dislikes especially in public.
If you do not embody a strong and loving foundation within yourself you will be more affected by perceived criticism, threats and or rejection. This has much to do with a sense of self. A large portion of a sense of self is developed before the age of seven years old. A self can be defined as an individual seeing themselves objectively in both changing and predictable surroundings. How the brain and nervous system perceive surroundings will depend on the neural pathways that are created. The type of neural pathways that are created will depend on the thoughts and feelings that arise when interacting with the outside world,  If a child perceives their surroundings as unpredictable and unstable he or she will build neural pathways that can 'match' an unpredictable environment. When the child grows into adulthood and has not made different conscious habits and built different pathways he or she will see threats that are not there. You may accidentally bump their heel with a cart and activate the same fight or flight pattern within their internal system. You may be faced with a disagreement.

   Conflict is inevitable with unworkable and disagreeable individuals. Unworkable individuals are highly competitive,quarrelsome and need to protect their person hood.They symbolize the ultimate opposition. Unworkable people do not have a high interest in being accepted or participating in group thinking.They value survival, logic,direction, reason,assertiveness,innovation,and negotiation. They are driven and tough-minded.They do care about being liked. They came to 'win.'The likelihood of meeting a disagreeable person is unavoidable.

 Steps to handle disagreement with unworkable people

1) Identify that the individual will be unworkable.
Unworkable people give off the indication that they are unwilling to change immediately and without conflict.Appeasing and manipulating are poor tactics to handle an individual rigid in their ways.
You must be assertive on how the person's actions have affected you while giving the option to state their opinion. An example could include:
You are unhappy with a service. A service member belligerently proceeds to interrupt you several times while speaking. Ask them in a direct way if they mean to continuously interrupt you. This gives a short window of time when the unworkable individual can either redeem or advocate for themselves.

2) Consequences
Make them aware of the actions or consequences that will happen if they continue to be unworkable and disagreeable. An example could include:
 If you comment on my appearance again I will resort to bringing this up to the higher management of the company.
 If they overstep boundaries, actions must be taken immediately. Consequences are not a matter of punishment but an outcome.

3)Negotiation
Understand that unworkable people are disagreeable because they feel they have no other option than to protect their person hood(nervous system has learned this to feel a sense of security). Genetics,conditioning, environment and background play a role in how a person functions in everyday life.
Negotiation is more of a flexible way to deescalate an altercation(or before it gets to that point). It will be perceived as less of a threat. An example could include. You can go ahead of me but I would like the left booth.
   
  It is also beneficial to note that 'handling' individuals is a poor strategy. Only fifteen percent of the population are self-aware. This means that eighty five percent of people today are unaware of their behavior,  thought patterns, bodily sensations, core beliefs and how they treat others. Some individuals are simply unworkable. For the sake of mental and emotional peace it is helpful to decode what an individual is actually communicating to better understand them and their true desires. This can also be an intrinsic motivation for individuals that are interested in becoming more self-aware. We can learn from unwanted behaviors by not implementing them into our lives.  It is helpful to be emotionally attuned to others while being aware of personal automatic impulses, thought patterns and reactions to perceived threats. This is beneficial when engaging with rude or displeasing people.

Subjects to note when engaging with displeasing people:

  •  What chronic life events have most likely happened for a person to engage in this displeasing manner?

  • Is their body language open, closed (hunched over) or defensive (arms crossed)?

  • How am I receiving this person? A threat? Annoying? Selfish?

  • Am I taking this person's actions as a reflection of myself?

  • Do I feel I can actively assert my opinion?

  • What do I  make this situation mean about me?

  • What is this person actually communicating through body language and tone of voice?

  • How can I honor this person while also honoring myself?

  • Do I have enough compassion in my 'emotional tank' to walk away?

  • What would be the cost of doing this?

  • What would be the cost if I did not do this?

   However we choose to show up with people is a reflection of our internal world. We can actively take responsibility for what we are responsible for.  Everyday we are given a choice in what we would like to give our attention to. What we repeatedly give focus to and how we behave and respond  is how we change our subconscious beliefs. Self-worth is to honor ourselves and conduct our lives in a way that is truthful. The greatest gift you can give yourself and to the world at large is the gift of recognizing the unconscious and transmuting it into conscious thoughts.

Titanium Marriage

Titanium is durable. It is resistant to corrosion and breaking. This metal can withstand high stress environments. It is one of the more stronger metals; yet it is light weight and more flexible than steel. It can extend to almost half its length before fracturing. This metal can symbolize strength and a light heart. Titanium can be a symbol of endurance,eternal love and commitment.It can prevail and not callous. This is why it is a popular metal to make wedding bands. It is not the duration of a marriage that is noteworthy but the quality of each participant in the relationship.

We have currently shifted into a new era that consists of many political observations, theories and discussions available for debate. The internet and social media have shaped the way we communicate and live our lives. Communication has never been easier. Communication has transitioned into 'urgency culture. 'Newest news updates are waiting at our fingertips causing us to disrupt our nervous system and relationships. Because of this many marriages suffer. This is not due to lack of communication but the lack of transparency. Many relationships consist of deprivation and self-abandonment. Each live in private desperation of wanting to be chosen but never choosing themselves.Each hide behind thick clouds of disheveled selves and a bucket of quiet vulnerable truths that have been left unsaid.Self-worth, integrity and personal values have degraded and traded in for self-betrayal.

In previous times marriage was arranged by two families for practical or financial purposes. It was rare that a couple had mutual feelings for one another. Today it is a common motivator to marry for love and to crave emotional connection with a partner rather than simply living together. People value the quality of relationships rather than the longevity of a relationship. Interestingly enough, very few people know how to show up for themselves..let alone in relationships.

The majority of people have unhealthy attachments in relationships that demonstrates itself in codependent behaviors.Codependency is glamorized and considered normal in our culture. It is often carried into marriages. The definition of codependency is an excessive need for emotional validation from outside sources. It can reveal itself in forms of fawning, excessive self-sacrifice or people pleasing tendencies. An individual will tie their identity and self-worth to abandoning their own needs in order to be chosen by someone else.Underneath their 'hero status' they are lonely,starving for fulfillment and  human connection. It is similar to carrying a desert in a cup and waiting for the rain of others to quench their thirst.Many enter relationships with splintered and cracked cups. The container holding no more than a few fragile and small droplets of water. They are anxiously given away to a partner's dry container. The streams of self-appreciation are congested by lack of knowledge, autonomy, awareness and trust. Many go into relationships fully blinded by expectations and will soon lead to resentment and disappointment.

For much of my life I would consider myself codependent. Just like many I never understood what it meant to get to know myself or what autonomy meant. I constantly walked eggshells trying 'read into' others and appease at the expense of myself. I have been happily married for six years.I remember coming home and changing from ‘work mode’ to 'perfect house wife.' I would tirelessly clean the floors or organize clothing. Sometimes I would be obsessively engage in an activity and subconsciously look to my wife for approval or validation. I began to notice that whether I cleaned or not my wife's love for me never changed. It was not based on conditions. She loved me as a person.

Most couples are taught that love is tied to what you can offer or do for another in exchange for validation or approval.We grow up in a society where love is a transaction.If I do this for you I GET this in return. Most of us felt we had to give up ourselves in order to get basic needs met or to live in an environment that was more tolerable to live in. A self is not what you identify with. A self can be defined as you objectively as well you as your total potentials being attained. This means that the self is not fix and it is evolutionary. The self is naturally expansive. To love without conditions or transactions it is essential to develop, cherish and maintain a self in a relationship. You are an ecosystem of your own. Each individual will water each other's habitat to ensure growth. Each plant seeds of nourishment in the Garden of Love.

In a healthy marriage both parties will have a sense of self. Therefore, conflict is inevitable. Disagreements are a natural part of relationships. They are an opportunity know your marriage and partner better. The strength of your relationship is how fast you both are able to come to a resolution after a disagreement.

Conflict needs resolution. Resolution entails understanding that both parties have different desires, needs and communication styles. The goal in conflict is to stay open and curious to receive information.This means both parties must have the ability to self-reflect or the relationship will not grow or move forward. This is why ‘shoving things under the rug’,avoiding uncomfortable conversations, giving the silent treatment and appeasing do not help a marriage stay emotionally connected.

Get curious and ask questions.

Helpful questions to ask your partner after a disagreement:

"How are you feeling?'

"How would you like to feel supported right now?"

"What actions can I do consistently to allow you to feel more secure?'

While it is beneficial to note that you can support each other when disagreements and triggers arise. It is not the sole responsibility to circumvent all whims of discomfort. Some discomforts are an indication of needed healing and rejuvenation. The purpose of a marriage should not be that of a practical roommate. A quality marriage should entail two unhealed people working together to become more self-actualized. Living in uncertain and changing times will require a whimsical dance of unfolding a false narrative and reclaiming The Authentic Self. A marriage is homemade.

Yin

I crave a soft life.

One with spaciousness and ease.

I do not crave an easy life.

I crave a life with chapters titled ‘Give and Take.”

One where I can grow in self-love.

One where I can nourish and be nourished.

I wish to create a life of true connection and joy.

One where I can feel people included in myself.

Where I am included in others.

I can learn from others and others can learn from me.

I shall accept experiences that are painful.

They will always be included within me but I will no longer dwell in them.

My dwelling place is in growth, nourishment, sunlight, empowerment and empathy.

My holy place is learning what it is to have a community.

I can thrive in this place forever and have boundless information and influence.

I can learn to integrate and view myself as a mosaic. I am both dark and light.

Here in this place I will learn grace for myself and grace for others.

Meaning Behind Authority

An authority figure is an influencer that inspires others to follow guidelines. When authority lacks inspiration all that is left is control and dominance. When others feel controlled they feel they have limited freedom. When freedom is limited, helplessness is experienced and therefore we will assert our boundaries on others. When others are too assertive with their political stance, they feel helpless in their internal or external world. They will likely to overstep your boundaries. Your boundaries are there to protect your well-being.

An authority figure is an individual who has mastered the psychology of influence. When people are influenced, they are more likely to obey rules and regulations. However, we only like to follow rules and regulations if we feel it benefits us. We may speed to get to work on time. We have justified it in our minds that punctuality is more beneficial than a speeding ticket. We associate with what we identify with or what is important to us. We also identify with the authority figures that hold the same moral compass as we do.

When individuals are not secure with their moral compass they will externalize it onto others. This is what we see when combative and heated arguments take place when speaking about political,spiritual or religious viewpoints. To protect your boundaries, it is helpful to acknowledge what your moral compass is. A moral compass is a non-written set of guidelines you make for yourself These guidelines create a life of integrity. Integrity is to live through your deepest values. Values are what is important to us and what actions we will take to keep these values in place. If you have a value of always being right, you will most likely assert your opinion onto others.

If we believe our moral compass is the absolute truth, we will dedicate ourselves to black-and-white or right or wrong thinking. There is no universal agreement to what is right or wrong. What is right or wrong is up to your individual values. We value what will be the most beneficial to us. What is beneficial to us we label as correct or incorrect. When speaking with others that are expressing their political, spiritual or religious viewpoints, it is useful to listen to them through their moral standards or what they believe in.

If politics is a value of yours, it is helpful to understand others will not have the same values as you do. If you decide to discuss a political candidate, consciously ask yourself if are you engaging in a discussion to learn more about a subject or to simply assert your opinion. When you consciously make a decision to exchange their political opinion with yours, it is useful to know your intention or what you or aim for doing do. If you knew it was a guarantee the other political viewpoint would never change, would do you still engage in a conversation? If your intention is to engage and gain knowledge about the other person, their values or new perspectives, you will be in a space of responsiveness. You can reply to others and their opinions. Response is making the choice to reply. To react is to give your power away by resorting to answer through an impulse.  

Pride Month

Self-esteem or self-care is one of the ingredients to a wholesome and happy life. Self-care is to respect or value yourself enough to fulfill your physical or emotional needs.The purpose of self-care is to embrace self-love. Pride Month is in the month of June. The purpose of pride month is to recognize and celebrate the impact the LBGTQ community have had on the world. Together, self-care in Pride month is to recognize the worth and influence we have on each other.

Many people lack the awareness of what self-care is. It is a bit like learning French when you are unaware what a language is. When starting a self-care routine it is helpful; to ask yourself

"What would a person that values themselves do?"

How you treat yourself is an indication of how much you care about yourself. Many of us have been molded or conditioned to give up our needs to be seen as pure or loving. The Achiever, The People Pleaser, and The Caretaker are common titles of a conditioned person. These roles are created in family dynamics to receive love, acceptance or approval in an unconscious manner. The ultimate act of self-care is to lovingly let go of these old models of thinking.

Let go of these old belief systems and develop a healthy sense of self.When we celebrate Pride month not only are we celebrating the worth and value of the LBGTQ community but also the pride in ourselves. A healthy and loving sense of self can be defined as having pure appreciation for all parts of you. Having this belief will cause you to want to care for yourself.Self-care is having the awareness of when to push yourself and when to be gentle with yourself.Image that you have a child.If you have love for this child you would not want him or her to suffer. You would shower them with appreciation,challenge them, understand and praise them.This is exactly how you should care for yourself.

The thoughts you think are an act of self care or an act of disservice. We have more than six thousand thoughts a day. What we believe about ourselves has a direct effect on how we feel. A toxic or unhelpful thought is similar to splashing a drop of contaminated water into a pool.. It will have a ripple effect on the whole body or nervous system. The same can be applied to helpful or loving thoughts. One thought of appreciation or praise about yourself will release endorphins( neurotransmitters promoting pleasure). One good thought can have a helpful perspective on ourselves and will have an urgency to care for ourselves and our needs.

Exercise for Self-Care

Words have been scientifically proven to change water molecules.Water reacts and constructs itself based on positive and negative words. Water even reacts to sound! Scientific studies have found molecules construct themselves into chaotic or incomplete crystals when music such as angry or heavy metal was played. Sound waves that came through as prayer and appreciation created beautiful snowflake structures in water.

If water picks up on words and sounds, what happens when we drink water that has positive or healing words whispered into it? Here is an exercise.

1) Grab a water bottle

2) Grab a marker of your favorite color(refrain from using reds. These colors can signify aggression, criticism and anger).

3) Write healing, caring and loving words on the water bottle such as beautiful, thankful, grateful, alive,valuable or important.

4) Drink the water while thinking of these words.

Your body is over sixty percent water! Imagine what you are doing to the water in your body when you simply drink water that has positive intentions.Try it for yourself!

Self-care is a form of appreciation. Appreciation.is focusing on what you adore or love about yourself or others. Appreciation is focusing on how you benefit from yourself and how you benefit from others. What you focus on will produce stress hormones(cortisol) or nourishing hormones( (serotonin and dopamine) throughout the body. Viewing yourself in an appreciative manner will cause your mind and body to be in a relaxed state. It is helpful to deliberately think thoughts that allow you to feel compassionate, emotionally safe,generous or joyous. Examples could include thinking thoughts that remind you of what you admire. I admire that I am forgiving. I admire my hard work even when I am fatigued. .Make a list of things or activities that allow you to experience safety. Examples include bird watching, cocooning yourself in a blanket,a friend validating your feelings or drinking creamy warm tea. Give to someone in need. Eat new foods.The more you practice benevolence for yourself, the easier it will be to be caring and gentle with yourself.

Pride is a time to express and celebrate the rights we have fought for within the LBGTQ community. However, those sensitive to crowds and large gatherings such as parades and venues can become overwhelmed and overstimulated.Nature provides many healing properties.. Earth's soil has many healing properties.Self-care is not only about appreciation but also being grounded in ourselves. Earthing or grounding is allowing the negative charge of the topsoil of the earth to conduct through you by walking barefoot, sitting or laying on the surface of it. Its surface emits negative ions and electrons. These negatively charged ions and electrons help inspire sensations of serenity, tranquility and safety. If you prefer to stay more active while earthing, gardening without gloves is a great tool to experience a sense of groundedness.

To inspire more sensations of serenity, peace and safety it is vital to get proper sleep. Sleep is needed to regulate metabolism, fight off disease, manage emotional states, and allow the mind and body to recharged. Many Americans do not get enough sleep. Seventy million Americans struggle with the sleep disorder insomnia. Insomnia is caused by lack of self care,poor nutrition, depression or anxiety. Without proper sleep for an extended period of time bodily and psychological problems can arise. Examples include diabetes, heart problems, low cognitive abilities, inability to regulate nervous system and low quality of life.To enhance beneficial sleep patterns try the following:

!) Invest in a weighted blanket . The pressure of these blankets invites your nervous system into "sleep" mode by reducing rapid breathing and calming a restless body.

2)Drink lavender, Kava or chamomile tea-These teas are beneficial because they are known to balance neurotransmitters ( little messengers in the brain that produce chemicals) that promote sleep and relaxation..

3)Sleep in a cool room - Cool or cold rooms promote melatonin levels and improve sleep quality by not allowing your body to get too warm.During sleep the body naturally drops in temperature to preserve energy. By sleeping in a cool room you speed up the process of falling asleep and increase your ability to stay asleep.

Self-Care is important especially during Pride Month. When you take care of yourself you are telling yourself you are a miraculous being. If more people took the time to care for their health the world would be a much happier, healthier and encouraging place to live. When you take care and love yourself you are limiting the suffering or pain on the planet by not projecting your unmet needs or frustrations out on innocent bystanders. Have the courage to love yourself.

Revered Purpose

A calling does not have to be a really big life purpose. It does not have to move the masses or be praised by accolades. You find your purpose by what moves you. It is similar to a life force that never dies. It can be detected in that gives you life or energy. It cannot be copied. You can be inspired but no one can live out your revered purpose. It is in your DNA, bloodline, body type, how you receive love, what gives you chills, or what you have worked your hands to the bone for.

A calling is your sacred purpose in life. While the physical body is tired and yearning for rest, an inner voice will be incessantly nudging or crying out. She may come out in sleepless nights, boredom, lack of intimacy or connections, aches that cannot be soothed by over the counter bottles. No amount of medication can penetrate the gnawing of her voice. There may be an innate hunger that no form of food or drink could ever satisfy. A hunger for a path that no one can walk but you.

This voice is known as intuition or the soul’s cry for intervention. Many (including myself)have worked jobs that simply pay the bills. Sensations of emptiness, ‘breathlessness’ or the silent uproar of being stifled in a world with endless opportunities. The breath that is invited into the lungs are shallow. The lack of robustness and vitality make life feel stifled and isolated.

There must be a choice to be made. As I am not suggesting you quit your job and abandon everyday practicalities. Simply invite the voice to have a chat with you. She will communicate with you through cues of your body. How often are you inspired.Do you know how to use your physical sensations(emotions) to navigate your way through life? If you were to take a screenshot of your inner world, would it match your external reality?

The following is an exercise to incorporate into your life:

  • Find a small hand held mirror. This mirror should show your entire face.

  • Look into your eyes. Really stare deeply into them. It is not uncommon to view yourself looking out of the ordinary. It is not everyday to just stare at yourself. Notice the color of your eyes, What are your eyes saying?

  • Note any sensations such as fear, fight or flight responses or shame when staring at yourself. Ask yourself where you first felt these sensations.

  • Ask yourself “ If I was my soul, what would I look like?” Let this person or vision come to your mind. What does he or she look like? What advice would be said to you in this moment? (Mine said to be more brave. Her name is Rosie. She is a delight)

  • Softly whisper to yourself.”I care for you.” Let this sentence seep into your being.

    You are not here to simply just live out the practicalities of life. You are here to embody your unique gifts and talents while embracing this human experience.

 Show up for Yourself

Detachment is not a way of living. It is a tool to use for a very short time. In its purest form it is the practice of letting go. Acceptance. It is to be used in very small doses. It is not life. We as humans are not above it all. We are here.Detachment in large doses can come about as feelings of not being connected to our environment.Unhealthy detachment tactics are used to not take responsibility for one’s life due to fear or pain.

Examples of detachment:

  • Ignoring the present moment.

  • Sugarcoating uncomfortable feelings and labeling negative sensations as”ego.”

  • Overly idealistic

  • Fantasies of being rescued but putting little effort into making realistic changes.

  • Believing you are better than others based on personal beliefs.

To really lived a life that is worth living you must ask. What is it to be human? What is it to feel alive and full feeling? We must show up for the messiness. The ‘full feelers’ are the vitality of this earth. They give life to the world.

Most of us detach from everyday life to some degree. We may daydream about being a noble hero in everyday life. Numb ordinariness with cigarettes. Avoid it by gossiping about lives we know nothing about. If detachment is used as a way of life you will miss out on the actual experience of life. You will cut yourself off from the joys of being a human. You will only experience everything as half. You will experience half of the moment. Half of the laughter. Half of lovemaking. Half of peace.

A strong self of self is essential when facing life and all its adventures. The self is the absence of personality, conditioning, or traits. The self can be described as an opinion you have created about where you stand in the world. This is based on experiences that have been given to you. These experiences give you a personal foundation. You build everlasting and unshakable truths about you. These truths can ever be taken from you. Examples of foundational truths are the following:

1)Power of the will(I WILL carry out my wishes.)

2)Tenacity( I will not be persuaded.)

3) Choice(I have more than one choice in every situation.)

4) Love( I will find the goodness and sacredness in myself so I can see it in others.)

5)Empathy(I will find a way relate to all and feel with them.)

Simple acknowledgements of hurts or burdens welcome acceptance in situations without feeling out of control or powerless. Humans only experience four emotions. They are listed as the following.

-Happiness

-Sadness

-Fear

-Anger

When any of these four emotions are not addressed or acknowledged they manifest themselves into more intense and complex feelings. These sensations can include shame, guilt, horror, depression, anxiety, mistrust,or low self-esteem. Identifying and adding the four main emotions in every uncomfortable circumstance will help welcome acceptance and liberation in your life.  Welcome your vitality today.    

Inspiration(What Do You Want?)

    Inspire comes from the Latin word which refers to "breathe or blow into."It is creation. Creation involves the motivation and energy from within to transform into what is desired. Passion is always a key ingredient in inspiration. If we lack inspiration, none of the mentioned ingredients above are present in our life.

When there is a lack of inspiration there is a general discouragement. Where there is too much discouragement and not enough encouragement, we are more likely to indulge in escapism. Escapism is any distraction to avoid a current reality that is unpleasant. It can come in many appearances. An example may be the following:

Ashley is unable to uphold or make boundaries with family. The family unit has a common narrative. The narrative consists of “family is everything and everyone must participate in the same thoughts and beliefs.”  Instead of taking an interest in pursuing her own way of thinking, Ashley develops a coping mechanism that consists of people pleasing and giving up her autonomy. She immerses herself in several Netflix crime documentaries when she feels emotionally activated.This activation is due to lack of boundaries. This behavior is a reflection of her reality when she immerses herself in other people and avoids her own emotions.

If you feel like Ashley, it is helpful to jot down things in your life that you do and do not like. It is important to be as honest with yourself as much as possible. This could include environment, dooming sensations, appearance, relationship status, and so forth. Identify the feelings you persistently ignore, suppress or numb. Escapism is developed to numb your current reality. The next time you feel the excessive need to take a drag of a cigarette or rigorously exercise, it is helpful to ask yourself

"Am I doing this activity for the sole purpose of the experience or am I trying to avoid someone or subject?"

If your response was yes, this is an indication that you are putting your personal power or personal energy into what you do not want instead of WHAT YOU DO WANT.

We forget we are here to create what we want. Those that struggle with inspiration feel a loss of control in their life. They have given away their personal power too many times. They feel they have given too much at the expense of themselves. Because of this, they feel they do not have the internal energy to transform and create what it is they desire. All of their vitality goes into creating new coping mechanisms or escapism.


Self-Awareness (Happy Life)                  

Words describing your internal world will present themselves in your external world. The patterns that are knit together in your nervous system will be the same patterns that are presented in your everyday life. For example, if you value victimhood you will feel very threatened and unprotected in every environment. Your nervous system is a miniature network. This network reveals what is real about you. It reveals what makes you feel happy, inspired, drained or sad. To learn self-awareness it is beneficial to sense and be in your body.

Self-awareness is to observe yourself. It is helpful to observe yourself from a third party perspective. It is to sense being in your body. What does it feel like to be YOU? To practice self-awareness it is helpful to put a value on everything you do, say, or thoughts that cross your mind. Values are subjective. They are not positive or negative. This is helpful when looking at painful aspects of yourself that you deem shameful.

When we put a value on shame it relieves the painful meaning about you. It welcomes you to look at yourself with clarity and less harshly. If you lack self-awareness it simply means you wish to avoid conflicting aspects about yourself. These aspects are avoided without fully understanding where they came from, how they protected you in the past, and how to apply them to your daily life. To practice self-awareness it is helpful to stay tuned into our nervous system and cues it picks up on. These cues are indicators of what is needed for your well-being.

These cues include::

  • Energy level after consuming a meal

  • Heightened emotional cues around specific people such as nervousness, meekness or relaxed

  • Sensations in parts of the body when thought patterns swirl around in our brains.

  • Form of focus you put on yourself(critical, loathing, entitled,or forceful)

  • How you speak about others on a daily basis.

Until you find what is undeniably real about you through self-awareness you will never know what will make you happy in this life. You will never know what you actually value or if you have taken on the values of someone else. Through self-awareness you can walk your own path. You can truly say “I claimed my life and lived it.”

I Do Not Care

I do not care about the car in your driveway.

It does not interest me how many items of clothing you have.

Did you revive the broken?

Did you eat the desert without feeling guilty?

How many people you slept with is not important.

How many times a day do you notice the micro expression on people’s faces?

How many regrets have you gone to bed with?

When do you say “you are pretty?”

When have you held space?

It does not interest me what you do for a job or how expensive your rings are.

I really admire people who hold a zest and tenacity for life.

They are marvelous in their vulnerability and uniqueness.

They revive life and make it anew.

They create unlimited stories that could never be created in a bar or liquor store.

Their depth and uncanny ability to reveal their own scriptures inspire others to start looking at their own.

Stained Glass

     I would like for you to imagine for a moment that it is a bright, clear, crisp, and sunny day. You just had your favorite cup of coffee. You are sitting in your favorite cozy chair. You are surrounded by love and warmth. Imagine looking at yourself in the mirror and seeing that you are a stained glass window filled with many types of personalities and ways to interact with the world. You welcome these pieces completely.

You are free spirited and enthusiastic. This piece of colored glass likes to dance or cheer lead. She will wave at you and invite you to join the activity she loves to do. You glance around your patio and notice that another piece of glass is quietly sitting with a thick book in her hand. The other hand holds a cigarette. She flicks off the ash and politely nods with mystifying eyes. She looks down to finish her novel.Walk upstairs and find a piece of yourself applying eyeliner. She has already swept her eyelashes with dark mascara. She is wearing a small black mini skirt with a black tank top. She gazes at herself with delight as she is enjoying her reflection. You give her a polite smile and notify her there is a group meeting in five minutes down stairs.

The tribe roams into the living room. They each take a seating position most comfortable for them. You stand up and thank everyone for attending. You would like to address a slight problem that you are noticing with one of the tribe members. This member does not want to participate in the group. She does not want to participate in any of the group activities. She prefers to be alone to look out for potential danger. This tribe member is known as The Protector.

Your Protector. This part of your mosaic has a unique purpose. It is to protect from pain. The Protector has unconditional love for you and her job is to limit the amount of pain endured in your lifetime.If she feels she is the only guard to protect the tribe, she will feel like self-sabotage. The only way to gain her trust is to consistently keep and fulfill promises to her. She needs to feel her perspective is valued . She must be invited to have a say in choices in your everyday life.

Suppose depression is your Protector. You may feel you have taken on too much responsibility. An exit plan may not be an option for you.Depression can act like a mighty Protector because it allows you to exit out of a miserable situation. You will be unable to take on the many responsibilities and have symptoms of depression. The positive purpose of having depression is asking it the following questions.


"How are you helping me?”


"What obstacles would I face if I did not experience you?”


When asking these questions, you are beginning to look through the perception of Your Protector. When you give your Protector recognition, she begins to feel like she has a place in the tribe. Give her consistent promises and fulfill them. Fairly distribute personal autonomy around the tribe. You will begin to create an art piece with many versions of colors and designs. These designs are you in many forms. Instead of self-sabotage as a Protector, you are now a beautiful stained glass window.

Coexisting With Opossums

    Opossums are a part of the marsupial family. They are known for their nomadic lifestyle as well as their ability to "play dead" when they feel threatened. They benefit our ecosystem by sweeping nature's floor by consuming dead animals, ticks, cockroaches, spiders, and snakes. However, their negative reputation derives from their naked tail, sharp teeth, "aggressive" behavior, tipping over trash cans and not adhering to an "aesthetically cute appearance." Opossums are symbols of appearances.

Opossums have the ability to juggle facades. They act aggressively when they feel vulnerable. When in fear, they will involuntarily fall into a comatose state as a protection mechanism to ward off predators. Their first instinct is to avoid conflict than to fight for themselves. They are nurturing mothers. They can carry up to eleven babies in their maternal pouch or marsupium. This makes them a creature of many illusions. This is the beauty of an opossum.

Opossums represent facades. How an opossum presents itself to you is how you make them feel. The same applies to human beings. How we make each other feel, is how we will respond. To understand each other's core nature, we must be willing to look at all life with COMPASSION. Facades do not give us the ability to feel loved, yet we wear many masks.

To have compassion for all life, we must be willing to unveil ourselves. We must be willing to relate to all life. To give compassion for all life, we must also have compassion for ourselves. What allows an opossum to be viewed less lovable than a puppy? We think if we are good we will be more lovable. The masks we wear are all representations of what we define as "good" or "safe." If every creature was stripped away of what was viewed as lovable or good, we would all have similar values. We all want to belong.

Our masks we wear are representations of what we have not let coexistence within ourselves. Instead of allowing our deviousness to coexist with our lightness, we feel we have to be one or the other. We consistently battle what we feel is detestable, unlovable or unworthy and choose to show what we feel is, better, beautiful or more acceptable. Opossums do not harm our environment, yet they are deemed as a nuisance by simply being themselves. When we cannot coexist within ourselves, we cannot coexist with our environment.

Coexistence is what nourishes symbiotic relationships. The type of relationship we have with ourselves is how we coexist together. Coexistence does not refer to everything being the same. It means to make an environment healthy. Opossums help our environment prosper by eating dead carcasses that have the potential to spread disease if not disposed properly. This is an example of a symbiotic relationship. A symbiotic relationship is any species that lives happily together by taking care of each other by nourishing the needs of the other.

Symbiotic relationships also apply to our internal environment. Creating a welcoming space where all facades, masks, and all parts of ourselves are invited to live in harmony is how we can lovingly coexist. Coexistence does not leave room for "better", "lovable", or "good" because symbiosis is about CHERISHING and nurturing every environment. Our environment is the home we generate for ourselves. Without a warm and welcoming internal environment, we will destroy our external environment. We will leave no room for differences or contrast.

   

Connection is Emotional Nourishment

I would like to invite you to think of a time when you felt completely isolated and disconnected from others. If platonic connection or physical touch was not needed, I would like you to question why you participate in daily activities such as eating, drinking, bathing, participating in a hobby or commute to job. When we feel a sense of connection with others, we are more inclined to eat enjoyable foods, play guitar or feel excited to go to work. When physical connection is lost, we limit eating, limit sleeping, and lose motivation to participate in our favorite hobby. It could be quite possible that every activity, thought or feeling is to feel accepted and loved by others.

It is very helpful to find similarities in your surroundings. Similarities allow us to feel more connected because there is a sense of understanding. Understanding allows us to feel less alone. It feels as it there is a lessened gap between us and the rest of the world. Where there is disconnection there is too much space between ourselves and what we would like to connect to. It is helpful to invite subjects that we would like to connect with or understand to come into our space. Examples may include a connection with animals and better understanding of ourselves.

If you notice, there is not one subject in existence which enjoys space or a void. This is why those that struggle with loneliness feel as if they are gasping for air out of the ache of too much space. We try to fill it with alcohol, sex, cigarettes, food,or work. Yet, this is not what we desire. We ache from the space yet feel we have the limited ability to connect with others. We put forth too much time coping with the space, and not enough importance in meeting the emotional need of this space.

If we were to visit this space within us what would we find? Instead of trying to fill it with subjects in which it rejects, why are we hesitant to be completely present with it? If this space had a voice, would it have to say? What would it sound like? Would we be resistant to what its needs are? Are we willing to be completely present with it and sink into its depths until we are consumed with its presence?

It could be quite possible that we are just as much need of ourselves as we are with others. It is possible that we could take this time to enhance our connection with ourselves so we can better connect with others in the future. To better understand others, we must be willing to understand and connect with ourselves. Connection is the ingredient for our well-being. It is the most crucial need for every human being. Connection is a form of being emotionally nourished.


Peace

 

" I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I will be good" is always a response to guilt. Guilt will make a simple mistake turn into a lifelong sentence. It leaves no room for mercy or forgiveness. It slowly molds itself into shame. Shame ultimately says " You are not worthy or valuable. You will need to make up for your existence." To have peace, shame and guilt cannot be the center of your world.
I will never forget the movement when I removed my mirror off of my bathroom wall. I did not want to be seen, heard, or even speak for that matter. Shame will do that. It will silence you. You believe if you are silent, small, and quiet you will invite goodness, peace, belonging and love. Maybe I could evaporate into peace.

However, peace does not come with TRYING. It is a practice. Peace says "Stop trying. Stop doing. Stop forcing and start embracing." Shame will make you believe that you must be perfect and praiseworthy to be lovable. Peace says that you will be praiseworthy and valuable when you loving embrace your perceived "ugliness", dirtiness and brokenness. Peace is to accept these pieces and FIND value in these parts to make an entire mosaic.
When you ever get the chance to look at a mosaic, each individual piece has been shattered or cut. It has not been molded to perfection. They have not been evaporated. They were not forced to disappear or blend in because they did not fit into a perfect mold. Each piece was embraced and used as the way it was. Each piece has a part in the art piece.

This is how peace is created. All pieces and shattered parts of us loving embrace each other. They find belonging and love in one another. Peace is practiced when we embrace our shame and guilt with compassion. It is no longer the center of our world. Shame will have no need to dictate how or when we will be valued or lovable because it will not need outside approval. Our shame will have internal approval from the pieces we have created. These pieces will lovingly embrace our "ugliness", brokenness and dirtiness until they are valued so much, they become a work of art.

When Patience Is Running Low

Where there is patience there is always the thought and belief that says "I can feel good right now." Patience can be considered maintaining composure and having the ability to wait without becoming distracted with irritability or anger. Patience is believing valuable experiences are paving a path to us even if are not here now. When we "lose patience" it is because we have the thought or belief that what we are striving for is out of our reach. We become frustrated and angry. This leaves less room for the reminder that our desires are also lovingly striving towards us. Patience is connecting gratitude and appreciating what is already in our hands. What is appreciated will always grow. This growth will branch off into new flowers of opportunities as an extension to meet our desires.


  I would like to invite you to think of a time when patience was being lost. What feelings and thoughts surfaced with this event? Perhaps you became impatient at a light that was not turning green as quickly as you would like. Patience is a practice. This practice is summed up by two beliefs. The first belief is "I can feel good now." The second belief is "What I would like is making its way towards me."When we lose patience, it is because we do not trust in one of these beliefs.We feel when we acquire what we would like in the future, we will feel better. We believe right now is not good enough. Patience could be made a practice of thinking thoughts such as "Right now is good enough" or "I may not have what I wish for right. However, am I feel content WHILE attaining my desires" When we feel blessed and abundant in the process of gaining our wishes, we will be more happier to continue to pursue what we want.


  Whether we are aware of it or not, everything we do is to produce a POSITIVE emotion. For example, when we go to the dentist, we do so to maintain our dental hygiene and limit pain in the future. The positive emotion behind the dental visit may be HEALTH. Health makes us feel vibrant. Health makes us feel vibrant because it promotes vitality. Vitality is a gift so we can experience beneficial experiences more often. In the same manner, what positive emotion are we able to produce when in a situation where our patience is being tested? An example could include accepting a job that is unfamiliar to you. Perhaps this job is a position you have chosen but know little to nothing about. You find yourself becoming frustrated and impatient with yourself when you feel you cannot learn the material as quickly as would like. When your patience is being tested, what positive emotion can you put in place of your dwindling patience? Examples may include

  "I am gaining more WISDOM with this new job so I can gain wonderful experiences and add it to the next opportunity." This job may not be your ideal position. However, you can apply what is important you(such as wisdom or knowledge) in this opportunity to make it feel more valuable and priceless. This leaves room for more expansion and the ability to grow in knowledge and wisdom rather than force.

  "This job allows me to practice KINDNESS with myself as well as with others. When I am kind to others, kindness always finds me." Kindness and compassion are similar to planting a seed. Allow the ground to soften around the seed and everything will flourish. Kindness and compassion will flourish into gratitude and appreciation. Where there is appreciation, there is room for abundance.

It is helpful to apply these traits in the present moment to provide positive meaning and value to your currently position. This also helps encourage us to be present with gratitude even when we feel our patience is dwindling. Gratitude is the gatekeeper to more abundant and joyous opportunities. Gratitude lovingly gives out kindness and compassion. This compassion and kindness is not only more prevalent with ourselves, but also over flows onto others. Gratitude and kindness have the ability to create softness and gentleness within ourselves. This naturally invites more opportunities for other subjects we desire to pave a path towards us.

To have patience is having the belief that what we desire also wants us in return. When we feel appreciative, we feel more content on the moment. The moments that we have are good enough.When we feel they are good enough we tend to look at the many blessings instead of the many absences.

Drop of Water(Self-Love)

    The ocean does not have the concept of hate, judgment or cruelty. All people, ships and animals are welcomed by Her because they are another form of water. She does not project shame or ridicule because She knows there is a world of treasure within Her that must be shared with all other forms of droplets. Hate and judgment are essentially not accepting and loving what is within ourselves so we set ourselves up to be the 'higher' and project judgments on others that are perceived as 'lower.' Where there is hate and judgment within ourselves, it appears in people and places. Hate and judgment could be considered coping mechanisms.

A coping mechanism is binding ourselves to a subject or emotion that allows us not to see ourselves completely.Hate and judgment are efforts to COPE with hurt. I have never met a person that hated a subject and was not HURT by the same subject. Hate is hardened hurt. Hurt can leave us incapacitated with pain. When this pain believes it has no way of being relieved, it feels it has no option but to turn to hatred and judgment. This is used as a shield to ensure that they can never be harmed again. We believe what we loathe will somehow change what we detest within ourselves. We must lovingly be available to see what we hate and also see it in ourselves.

This practice will drive us into the direction of self-love. To love ourselves ENTIRELY, we must be willing to let go of only loving the 'good' parts of ourselves. We must be willing to love and see our primal character as well. Our darkness is not to be shunned because it is our depth. When we dive into the depth of our hatred, we will find that it is only in need of light and warmth. This hatred will show us that there is a part of us that is SIMILAR to what we hate. To completely abolish hate, we need to recognize it within ourselves.

If we hate cruelty, we must find how we are cruel to ourselves. If we hate poverty, we must find what we starve ourselves of. If we hate isolation, we must find what aspects we keep to ourselves that deserve others to lovingly embrace. If we hate injustice, we must find what we suppress and disown within ourselves. When we give our hate belonging and a place within us, it will naturally diminish. Hurt and pain just want to be heard and seen. This is similar to when the ocean loves and accepts the droplets of water. The ocean does not try to convince the drops of water to be ice or vapor because She is aware that she too came from a drop of water.

Boundaries

An authority figure is an individual who has mastered the psychology of influence. When people are influenced, they are more likely to obey rules and regulations. However, we only like to follow rules and regulations if we feel it benefits us. We may speed to get to work on time. We have justified it in our minds that punctuality is more beneficial than a speeding ticket. We associate with what we identify with or what is important to us. We also identify with the authority figures that hold the same moral compass as we do.

When individuals are not secure with their moral compass,they will externalize it onto others. This is what we see when combative and heated arguments take place when speaking about political viewpoints. To protect your boundaries, it is helpful to acknowledge what your moral compass is. A moral compass is a non written set of guidelines you make for yourself These guidelines create a life of integrity. Integrity is to live through your deepest values. Values are what is important to us and what actions we will take to keep these values in place. If you have a value of always being right, you will most likely assert your opinion onto others.

If we believe our moral compass is the absolute truth, we will dedicate ourselves to black-and-white or right or wrong thinking. There is no universal agreement to what is right or wrong. What is right or wrong is up to your individual values. We value what will be the most beneficial to us. What is beneficial to us we label as correct or incorrect. When speaking with others that are expressing their political viewpoint, it is useful to listen to them through their moral standards or what they believe in.

If politics is a value of yours it is helpful to understand others will not have the same values as you do. If you decide to discuss a political candidate, consciously ask yourself if are you engaging in a discussion to learn more about a subject or to simply assert your opinion. When you consciously make a decision to exchange their political opinion with yours, it is useful to know your intention or what you or aim for doing do. If you knew it was a guarantee the other political viewpoint would never change, would do you still engage in a conversation? If your intention is to engage and gain knowledge about the other person, their values or new perspectives, you will be in a space of responsiveness. You can reply to others and their opinions. Response is making the choice to reply. To react is to give your power away by resorting to answer through an impulse.

Contact

Email at Elephmyrrh@yahoo.com

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